Posted in Thoughts

I used to live in Thessaloniki

I used to live in Thessaloniki.. And I lived there for a long long time. There were just so many pros for me in this city -or so I thought. It had most of the options of a big city but also small enough to feel home, some nice sceneries, the sea, a lot of youth and it was in a small -but safe– distance from my parents. I studied there then searched for a job, then studied again to do something useful since I couldn’t find a job. Ten years of my life! I even broke up with my boyfriend at this time because I was not willing to leave Thessaloniki!

Thinking about it, I realise that I simply stayed too long. I don’t know why. I guess I was trying to preserve my memories there, all these nice relaxed moments during my studies with all the friends I made. Like one of those relationships you see dying but you refuse to abandon because you still hope for a miracle and you remember these happy moments that once existed and you keep trying to convince yourself that if they existed once it must be possible to bring them back. But all facts were against the hopes. The memories were gone, most of the friends too, and yet I still stayed there hoping that I would move to the next step, of finding a job, becoming a real adult, make some new friends and keep the air and memories around me.

The problem is it never really happened. And indeed I was reaching the point of hating the city and calling it ‘the city of delusion’ ( after the Μuse song). In fact I moved out once and got back to my parents and after two days I was called for a part time job in Thessaloniki and returned, hoping it was a good sign and my luck there would change! Well it didn’t.

And then I moved to Berlin. Which came as a surprise even to me considering that for years I was not just negative about moving abroad but about moving anywhere else outside Thessaloniki! But I did it. And despite all the difficulties of leaving in a country whose language I didn’t speak, where the weather was just devastating and where I actually had almost no one, I didn’t regret this choice. Because I started feeling like a decent respected human being again. Because I won back my self confidence and self respect, things that I lost somewhere in Greece when I was trying to find a job and the potential employers either ignored me or made me feel like rubbish (the long story of job applications I will write in another post). Because I started believing in me again. And this was a great feeling I had forgotten.

So when somebody from Berlin told me ‘we evaluated all applications and decided for YOU‘ -something that I was so desperately hoping to hear for 2,5 years- I packed my things and took a plane. Sure, it wasn’t easy but when there is nothing more to lose and the only sweet thing thinking about your country is your family but you also know you only live once, well why the hell to stay and lose completely yourself. No reason.

And so it began! A new beginning at my 28..